based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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