when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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