Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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