she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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