ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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