You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
