You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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