i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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