I wish life had little blips of pornography
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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