TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila