New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."