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• (661): View more from California

  Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I stole a fireplace last night.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Man I sound like a slutty Mormon

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