I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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