just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
