Texts From Last Night

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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.

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  (843): At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts. http://tfl.nu/humd
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  (347): View more from New York

  the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant

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  (347): the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant http://tfl.nu/765y
  Replies (32) Good night (6034) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?

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  (316): Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter? http://tfl.nu/61dy
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  (650): View more from California

  We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign

  (562): View more from California

  You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo

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  (650): We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign (562): You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo http://tfl.nu/9pp5
  Replies (68) Good night (5583) Bad night (868)
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  (315): View more from New York

  It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.

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  (315): It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar. http://tfl.nu/d08o
  Replies (26) Good night (3946) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful

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  (708): sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful http://tfl.nu/0wk6
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.

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  (917): i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing. http://tfl.nu/nkz8
  Replies (10) Good night (954) Bad night (3055) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.

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  (404): FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall. http://tfl.nu/m2zy
  Replies (7) Good night (3078) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.

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  (810): RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it. http://tfl.nu/dncl
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.

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  (608): We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth. http://tfl.nu/k58a
  Replies (29) Good night (2073) Bad night (742)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.

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  (913): He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman. http://tfl.nu/kv33
  Replies (7) Good night (671) Bad night (1473)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?

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  (630): I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So? http://tfl.nu/1vsx
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea

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  (843): I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/qtt5
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.

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  (316): I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent. http://tfl.nu/pby1
  Replies (6) Good night (1077) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  YES.

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  (513): People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join? (1-513): YES. http://tfl.nu/e51l
  Replies (3) Good night (1203) Bad night (209) Order T-Shirt

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