I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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