well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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