the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
