$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
