I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
