It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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