I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i think i just lost a toe
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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