Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
