He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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