I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Floor bacon is actually really good
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
