I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
