Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
