I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
