did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
