Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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