Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
