She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
