You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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