I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
