he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
