isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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