you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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