do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
