So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
