We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize