I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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