I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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