my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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