he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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