So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
