Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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