Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
