it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
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Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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