i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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