I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
