Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize