I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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