dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
