I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
