Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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