I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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