I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
