i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
