omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize