Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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