I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
