i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
