Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
