I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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