All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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