woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
