I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
